By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize