Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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