My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
