i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
