so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
