we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
