Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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