i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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