i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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