I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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