If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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