A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
