She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize