i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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