I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
