Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
