Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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