He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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