There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
