We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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