HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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