if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
