i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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