I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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