Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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