i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
