I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
