just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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