I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
