I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
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