Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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