i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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