i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
