im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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