so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
