He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize