Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
