haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
