She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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