just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dick very happy bro
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize