so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
