he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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