I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
