i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
