I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
