I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize