i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
