It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
