I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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