need another drink. this is the easiest way
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
why is half of my head shaved?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
