I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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