complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
