I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
