Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
