If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
