ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
