I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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