Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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