When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
this will be a night to untag.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
