i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
