and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
