She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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