i barfeds in our rink
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
