i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
