Duck Duck Cougar?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
