Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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