Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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