this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
