She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
