went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
