it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
